


Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items

by Oriki-Miitad (Sneaking_UnicornWitch)



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Emails, Epistolary, Gen, Humor, It’s Just Crack, Mace Windu Losing It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:28:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29110068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sneaking_UnicornWitch/pseuds/Oriki-Miitad
Summary: The Jedi high council has received some very strange comm messages over the thousands of years that it has existed.Here's a few.Or, as my prompt note puts it: 'Jedi get Amazon dispatch order email for clones'.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 90





	Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items

**Author's Note:**

> Why is it that silly crack fics require so much research and formatting woes in comparison to a 'normal' fic????!!??

Subject: **[Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items]**

From: Solleu.gal [auto-confirm@solleu.gal]

To: Jedi High Council [high.council+solleu@jedi.org]

Sent: [3.3.25, 14:09]

Hello There,

Thanks for your order. We’ll let you know once your item(s) are ready. Your estimated completion date is indicated below.

Arriving

Taungsday, 13.5.21

[ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLzxrzFCyOs)  


Subject: **[Fwd: Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items]**

From: Master Yoda [yoda@jedi.org]

To: High Council Member Group [member list]

Sent: [3.3.25, 14:22]

A strange comm message, we have just received. Been using the Order’s Solleu account, someone has.

The meaning of this, I want to know.

Be with you, may the Force

Yoda

Subject: **[Re: Fwd: Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items]**

From: Master Windu [purplebadass69@3zero.gal]

To: High Council Member Group [member list]

Sent: [3.3.25, 14:50]

Master Yoda, fellow Councillors,

Thank you for bringing this email to our attention. I think it’s quite clear, however, that this is just some scam comm - there are some dubious claims. 1) 3 million items, ridiculous. 2) an arrival date in a tenyears time!

A warning to all, don’t tap the button, I’m sure it’s just a scam but I don’t want anyone’s datapad sliced. Again. (Plo).

May the Force be with you,

Master Mace Windu

My open office hours are Centaxday 1-5.

Subject: **[Other business Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items]**

From: Master Mundi [k.a.mundi@jedi.org]

To: High Council Member Group [member list]

Sent: [3.4.14, 10:05]

Masters,

What about the Trade Federation attack on Naboo?

May the Force be with you,

Master Ki-Adi Mundi

Subject: **[Re: Re: Other business Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items]**

From: Master Windu [purplebadass69@3zero.gal]

To: High Council Member Group [member list]

Sent: [3.5.16, 10:06]

As a reminder to my fellow council members, we should create new comm messages for new discussion points, and try to reduce the number of times we contact the council as a whole.

WRT the Naboo crisis, shall we convene at midday?

MTFBWY,

Mace

My open office hours are Centaxday 1-5.

**###Ten Years Later###**

Subject: **[Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items is partly ready for delivery]**

From: Solleu.gal [shipment-tracking@solleu.gal]

To: Jedi High Council [high.council+solleu@jedi.org]

Sent: [13.4.10, 11:38]

Hello There,

We thought you'd like to know that part of your order is now complete and ready for delivery. Your order can no longer be changed.

Items Currently Ready

200 000 Units

Remaining Items

2 800 000 Units

  


Subject: **[Fwd: Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items is partly ready for delivery]**

From: Master of the Order Mace Windu [master.windu@jedi.org]

To: High Council Member Group Updated [member list]

Sent: [13.4.10, 11:40]

Council Members,

Is this some joke? I expected better of you all. (Masters Ti and Trebor, I don’t mean you)

May the Force be with you,

Master of the Order Mace Windu

My open office hours are Centaxday 1-5.

Subject: **[Re: Fwd: Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items is partly ready for delivery]**

From: Master Ti [itsshaakti-me@shili.gal]

To: High Council Member Group Updated [member list]

Sent: [13.4.10, 12:00]

Forgive me Masters, I was not on the council ten years ago. But does this not seem like the kind of thing we should look further into?

May the Force be with you,

Shaak Ti

~~~Emotion, yet Peace~~~

Subject: **[Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items is partly ready for delivery]**

From: Master Piell [eavypeavy22@3zero.gal]

To: High Council Member Group Updated [member list]

Sent: [13.4.10, 12:20]

The comm is just going to be a scam, Shaak. I’d not worry about it. Long memories though, these slicers!

Also, Mace - What happened to purplebadass69? I thought it suited you.

Force sustain us,

Master Even Piell

Subject: **[Intruders in the Temple Re: Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items is partly ready for delivery]**

From: Master Koon [councildad@jedi.org]

To: High Council Member Group Updated [member list]

Sent: [13.4.10, 12:35]

Fellow Council Members,

Ki-Adi and I could do with some assistance. A group of University Students breached the temple and got through to the Second Atrium. I’ve subdued them, but would someone be able to comm the Judiciary?

Plo

xxx

Subject: **[Re: Fwd: Intruders in the Temple Re: Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items is partly ready for delivery]**

From: Master of the Order Mace Windu [master.windu@jedi.org]

To: High Council Member Group Updated [member list]

Sent: [13.4.10, 13:12]

SITH’S HAIRY BALLS STOP USING THE REPLY ALL FUNCTION I SWEAR TO THE FORCE I AM TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM JUMPING OUT OF THE MOTHERKARKING COUNCIL TOWER AND TAKING YOU ALL WITH ME

My open office hours are Centaxday 1-5.

**###Even Later###**

Subject: **[Collected: Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items has been partly fulfilled]**

From: Solleu.gal [order-update@solleu.gal]

To: Jedi High Council [high.council+solleu@jedi.org]

Sent: [15.5.21, 10:10]

Hi Sifo-Dyas,

Part of your order has been collected!

 **How was your order experience?**

  


**Order info**

3 000 000 items

Return or replace items in Your Orders.

Subject: **[Re: Complete: Your Solleu.gal order of 3 000 000 items]**

From: Master Windu [purplebadass69@3zero.gal]

To: High Council Member Group Updated FINAL [member list]

Sent: [13.5.21, 10:55]

You know, this all makes a lot more sense now...

Forewarning: Anyone who uses Reply All will be given creche duty 🙃

May the Force be with you,

Master Windu

Open office hours: Don’t find me, I’ll find you

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time using CSS and it took me so long to get it right. I've tested on my mobile, so I hope it works, but you can turn off the work skin if you need to. I used [this tutorial](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7953412/) by La_Temperanza which I then modified. 
> 
> Yes, students really did get into the temple on 13.4.10 (in legends at least…) you can read the write up [here](https://web.archive.org/web/20130728124923/http://www.holonetnews.com/51/jediwatch/13411_1.html).
> 
> I'm on tumblr [here](https://oriki-miitad.tumblr.com/), come say hi!


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